Last Words

Last Words

This year our family said goodbye to both of my Grandfathers and paternal Grandmother.   My Grandfathers were both ill and their deaths we prepared for, as much as possible.   My Grandmother, however, was sudden and quite a shock.  I have had the most difficulty dealing with losing her. One day I will be able to write about it, but today is not that day.  I miss all three of my Grandparents immensely and would give anything for one more day with all of them.

My thoughts today are about my Mother’s Father.  Mr. Hubert Toole.   My Grandfather was a great man, and he was loved beyond measure by the entire family and all who knew him.   My heart also breaks for my Grandmother, who lost the love of her life.  I know every day is a struggle for her.

At my Grandfather Toole’s funeral this summer, the man who spoke said something that has stuck with me. Basically he said, that when you lose someone, you tend to look back at the last conversation you had with them and sometimes those conversations hold something special; something that can bring you peace.  I visited with my Grandfather about 2 weeks before he passed away, he was at home at the time.  Our conversation was short, as he was quite tired.  He asked me a if I was moving, which I found funny as I had no plans to leave the city.   I chuckled and said “No, do you think I should?”  He smiled and said “You’ll know what’s best” and closed his eyes and went to sleep.   At the time I just thought it was a strange thing for him to ask.  I thought he was just tired, and a bit confused.  However, when the man spoke at the funeral and I remembered the conversation, his words started to mean something different.

No, I’m not moving, and that part of the conversation doesn’t even matter.  The words I needed to hear, and need to continue hearing are “You’ll know what’s best.”   Now, I keep repeating this to myself every time I second guess myself, which unfortunately, is a lot.  I tend to allow my thoughts to overwhelm me and anxiety takes over, but I have been able to talk myself down by remembering these words.   I know he had faith in me , I just need to have it in myself and with that I can face any challenge.   I’m hoping that for times when I’m not so strong, a visible reminder will help, I was so excited when it arrived!  A simple bracelet, with a special message…

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